Building a Family Centered Ministry at Your Church

I have spent most of the day reading and working on my message to a bunch of fathers and their daughters to whom I will be speaking this Friday night at our annual Father/Daughter Banquet. As a father of an almost 5 year old daughter and an almost 2 year old son, I am learning that parenting them both requires two different sets of skills. Without using all my material for Friday I want to note just a few distinctions.

1. Sons require physical and sometimes rough play. Daughters enjoy this in limited form, but most need a dad with gentle words and a soft hand.

2. Sons respond best to yes/no directives. Daughters do best with exaggerated explanations.

3. Sons look for creative ways to get over the pool fence. Daughters just want you to open the fence for them.

4. Sons will eat almost any type of food (no matter how old) off the floor. Daughters want a new spoon if they drop it on the floor (and dad wiping it off with a napkin is not sufficient).

5. Sons need to be trained to be godly husbands, fathers, and leaders. Daughters need to be trained to be godly wives, mothers, and influencers in the home and community.

I am again reminded that each day is a brick that I am laying in the lives and legacies of these two that God has entrusted me with. What type of foundation am I laying?

The root of discipleship is in the home. How are churches impacting the family? How are we as parents making and building disciples in our own homes? How can churches help parents to do this more effectively? Should we (the church) compliment or compete for a families time? How are we equipping fathers to lead? just a few questions to think on as you pray about a family ministry for your church.

Wise or Demonic...the thin line.

I serve at a great church with a great pastor. Over the past few years I have learned a lot from watching him preach and teach. One thing that I think he is great at is developing what he calls"filters." These filters are used to make decisions, test your heart, and check your spirit. I have begun working on developing some filters for decision making in my life. Last week I was working on a message for our high school guys on avoiding selfish ambition. I was studying out of James 3. In the middle of that passage I saw a filter on how to make wise decisions. See what you think:

Here is what the passage says (HCSB): "Who is wise and understanding among you? He should show his works by good conduct with wisdom's gentleness. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don't brag and lie in defiance of the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

So here is the filter I developed:
1) Wise decisions produce obedient behaviour. Ask yourself will this decision help me obey God?

2) Wise decisions do not lead to selfish gain or bitter envy. Ask yourself does this decision benefit a selfish desire/ambition or it is profitable for bringing glory to God and ministering to people?

3) Decisions not made with wisdom are earthly, sensual, and catch this...DEMONIC. Ask yourself how important making wise decisions really are?

4)Wise Decisions made from selfish ambitions usually lead to disorder and evil. Ask yourself do I want more chaos in my life or do I already have enough?

5) Wise Decisions bring purity in relationships, peace, grace, mercy, and integrity to our lives. Ask yourself if you want other people to make decisions that will extend these attributes into your life.

Just some thoughts as you make decisions. Now here is perhaps the greatest news of all. If you are like me you are in desperate need of the wisdom required to make wise choices. James 1:5 says:

"Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him"

I am going to be asking a lot more now that I understand the fine line between a wise choice and a demonic one. How about you?

How do you know you have connected with God.

Not long a ago an old friend sent me a response to a status update I had made on Facebook. I had posted something like: "my time with the Lord that morning was sweet and refreshing." He wanted to know how I was experiencing that. He mentioned that he was not always walking away from his time having heard from God in a fresh way. So today I want to note a few things about this topic.

1) Consistency is the key to hearing from God. Your relationship with God is like any other relationship. It is dependent on time together and communication (the building of the relationship). If you talk with God (and listen to Him) on a regular basis you will learn to distinguish His voice. If you have kids then you know that you can pick your child's voice out of 100 in a crowded room. If you are in the same crowded room without your child you can hardly distinguish your own thoughts from the chaos of voices. This is because you have a love relationship with your children. You have invested yourself in them and you are very familiar with the way they communicate and sound. As your love relationship with God grows you learn to hear Him when he speaks. John 8:47 says "He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God." - John 8:47

2) You will not always get earth shattering instructions from God every time you pray. God is primarily concerned about the relationship, so often times my daily time with Him is focused on knowing Him more and reorienting my life to His purposes. I do not always walk away with a major change in my life (but always refocused and with a better attitude). Many times He is sharpening my senses to help me see what He is doing in the world. I need this so I can join him in His work. If left to my own ability I would become me focused and set my agenda above God's. I have many conversations with my children, but not all of them are about me making a huge correction and adjustment to their lives. Many times I am just telling them how much I love them, or asking them how their day went. Every once in awhile we have a big conversation about a major change that is coming, but what makes that conversation possible is the hundreds of other conversations I have had building the relationship. They know my voice and they trust me because I have demonstrated my love to them.

3) When you do hear that"major life shift" coming from God then you need to respond. Henry Blackaby calls this a "crisis of belief." He describes this in four steps: 1) An encounter with God requires faith. 2) Encounters with God are God-sized. 3) What you do in response to God's revelation (invitation) reveals what you believe about God. 4) true faith requires action.

The bottom line is when God speaks are you going to be obedient? When he does make a correction or give you a new marching order He has built that instruction upon his relationship with you.

I say all that to say this. If you are new to Christ begin with the relationship. Spend time reading the Bible and praying. Tell God what is on your mind and then shut up and listen. Over time you will begin to distinguish what God is saying from the noise and clutter of your own mind. You can be sure that when you hear from God it will never contradict His Word and it will usually require you to do something out of your comfort zone and beyond your ability (requiring faith and openness for God to do the work in and through you). There is much more to knowing and hearing from God, but I hope this helps get some of you started in the right direction.

The Power of Multiplication

About a month ago Josh Hunt (http://www.joshhunt.com/) was at our church. During his visit we began talking about the power of doubling groups. I always invite people who share my vision and the principles of small group growth (spiritual and numerical) to visit with my leadership. As Josh met some of our people and saw what God was doing through doubling small groups he challenged me to record a testimony of what God has been doing over the past few years (http://www.sarasotabaptist.com/). So a few Sundays ago I decided to capture a piece of this at our Lakewood Ranch campus during a worship service. I hope this challenges you to think about developing a growth strategy for your small group ministry. If you feel lost in this venture let me know. I would love to try and help you (chad@kecktraining.org).


I have always been a big proponent of starting new small groups out of existing ones. I am a firm believer that the more groups you start the more people you can reach. For those of you who see Sunday School as simply the teaching arm of the church let me challenge this notion with the below video of what God has been doing in our Community Groups (this is our Sunday School with a few groups meeting at time other than Sunday Morning or off campus). My philosophy for our Community Groups is threefold (thanks Allan Taylor). First, Sunday School is the Reaching arm of the church. We want it to be an open place where people can bring their lost friends and co-workers. Second, Sunday School is the Teaching arm of the church. It plays a vital role in our disciple-making process. Third, Sunday School is the Ministering arm of the church. Out of these groups we develop prayer networks, meet care needs, do missions, and develop strong relationships. The below video was shot in Feb. 2009 at Sarasota Baptist Church, Lakewood Ranch Campus, where I serve as the Associate Pastor of Education/Discipleship.

I want to close by reminding everyone of 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 (HCSB). While we each have a role in the growth process, it is only by the hand of God that growth occurs.

"I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth."

I am clearly blessed to be at a place where God is at work!

Steps to Resolving Conflict

I did it again. I broke rules #1, #2, and #3 of dealing with conflict. I will get to what those rules are in just a moment, but first lets start with what God says. This is a verse that I have tried to use to establish the process by which I think through conflict:

James 1:19 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." (ESV)

I know that my natural inclination is to react and to lash back. Let me give you an example from this weekend. I got up early on Saturday and was expecting a relaxing day. I went to the computer and thought I would get on facebook. When I did I had a message from one of my Community Group Leaders concerning some training we had a week or so ago. The message was critical of some of the information we shared there. The message started like this "Don't take this the wrong way." Well in my carnal nature on a Saturday morning of course I was going to take it the wrong way and I did. I immediately jumped on the defensive and shot back a message being critical (not ugly or unkind, just not receptive) of the criticism. It was not long until I had a reply critical of my critical response. That is when I paused, prayed, and began to think clearly. I responded that I did not want to have this discussion electronically, but that I would like to visit with him face to face. So this morning I did. Here is the great thing about a brother in Christ. As soon as I saw him this morning I ran over and gave him a hug and said "I love you man" (que sappy music). This guy is one of my great friends and a dedicated servant in the church. We were able to talk out the issue and both left the conversation feeling heard and understood. So that leads me to my five rules for dealing with conflict.


Rule #1 NEVER, NEVER, NEVER deal with a conflict over email or facebook (electronically). Even though the criticism was initially sent that way I needed to stop the cycle and instead I perpetuated it by responding.

Rule #2 Be quick to listen. What was my friend trying to say? Did he have a legitimate viewpoint? Do I respect his thinking generally on these topics. Do I need him to be on my team for the long run? The answer was yes to all of the above, but I got caught acting before listening.

Rule #3 Be slow to speak. It would have been better not to respond at all and to just think about what was said. Not in order to built anger or resentment, but to sift for truth. The time for talking is later.

Luckily I accomplished Rules #4 and #5.

Rule #4 Deal with the conflict face to face. After making the initial mistake of a first response I caught myself in order to deal with the conflict face to face before it escalated. When you look a person in the eyes you can see and hear non-verbal body language that helps you process a better response.

Rule #5 Deal with it quickly and do not let it fester. This morning when I got to the campus where he attends I sought him out immediately. Ironically, he was looking for me too. He said he could not sleep thinking that he may have hurt me. When Christians have conflict there is a spiritual dissatisfaction with life until it is resolved.

I am sure that this won't be my last time dealing with conflict. In fact it may not be the last time this weekend. My prayer is that I will resolve it James 1:19 style instead of Chad's fleshly style.

5 Easy Steps to Kill a Small Group

This past Saturday Sarasota Baptist Church (where I serve as AP of education) hosted Josh Hunt (http://www.joshhunt.com/). Josh has written several books including: How to Double Your Class in Two Years or Less. That book is full of wisdom and insight into growing Small groups, but I want to take the post in a new direction and entitle it How to Kill your Group in Two Years or Less. At first thought you may think that killing something like a group is easy. Not so fast. Look at how many churches are dying, but have not yet been killed. This process usually takes several years even to be recognized by a church (and some have been declining longer than that and are just in denial).

So here we go:


1) Never contact any guests, better yet never have any guests. Never invite anyone and never befriend anyone. When someone shows up unexpectedly make sure you don't talk to them or sit by them. If you have to sit by them make sure you ignore them the best you can without being obviously rude (small talk is okay, genuine interest is unacceptable). And whatever you do never invite them to sit with you in worship or to Pizza Hut after church.



2) Don't really teach anything significant. Yes, open the Bible and throw out a verse to "discuss" but never actually prepare anything. Small groups should really be about talking about stuff that is "real life." Use the Bible only to settle an argument and then select verses out of context. It is easier to prove your point that way. If you can yell at some point during the argument and talk ugly about someones mamma it quickens the process.



3) If there are any announcements that the leadership needs you to make try and downplay them as much as possible. Say things like "here is just something else the pastor wants us to do." Remember that everything in the church revolves around you and your small group. If it does not benefit you or your groups interests then just ignore it, it will go away.



4) Only have seats for the group members (it works even better if they are assigned and someone can actually say "your in my seat"). If you have some guests make sure to make a big deal about having to get some extra chairs out. Also make sure you to bring a ton of attention to the fact that "we have new people."



5) Have parties and do things only with the 6 couples in your group. You should try and have your kids go to the same school, play on the same sports teams and sit only with those couples in worship. Try and socialize with only these couples (except for work where we are forced to hang with the pagans.)

If you do these five things you will be well on your way to killing a group. The thing about it is you will be having so much fun with your friends you may not even realize it.

The Love Language of God

I have been leading a group from my church through Experiencing God. I first did this study in 1993 and God used it greatly in my life. Through the writing of Henry Blackaby I was exposed to God and his activity in my life in a fresh way. Now that I am going back through the study I am being hounded by the Holy Spirit as I read. Let me give you a for instance. Read this passage from John 14:

"Jesus replied, 'If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.'"

Chew on that for awhile and once you think you are ready to digest read it again.

The deeper I grow in my faith the more I understand the significance and of my own sin. Processing that allows me to more clearly see and experience Christ and his forgiveness. In essence I have come to grips with the real condition of the human heart. In our culture today the basic humanistic philosophy being taught in academia, and through media influencers, is that humans are basically good. The reality is that we are not good. We are born with evil in our hearts and a nature that is saturated with sin. It is only through Christ that we are forgiven and can do anything at all that pleases God.

I said all that to say this. I want to become a man known for my obedience to God. When I say that I know some may offer push back. I have heard that I need to be known as a man of prayer, a man of faith, a man of the Bible. I am convinced that all of those come as a result of the love relationship I have with Christ. That is why the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. While we may want to take each of these and flesh out how to do each one (a worthwhile, but tedious exercise) we can sum it up by saying you will do well in all of them if obediance is the focus. It is not a matter of singing about loving God or talking about loving God, or even telling God that you love Him. It is about showing God by your actions how much you love Him. When I trusted Christ as a ten year old boy the Spirit of God came and made a home in me. How it must grieve the Spirit when his home engages in disobedience and sin even after 24 years.

Now as a father I am watching the result of my sin being passed to my daughter. While I did not teach her to to lie or to be disrespectful (in actuality I have tried to teach her not to) she still does things and says things that demonstrate her own selfish and sinful nature. Following a time of correction she usually turns to me and says"but daddy I love you." I find myself telling God something very similar. I can hear God almost saying to me "son, I know you do...so obey my commandments." When is the last time you considered the love language of God. Is it gifts? No, He owns it all anyway. Is it encouraging words? No, words ring hollow many times. God only has one love language...OBEDIENCE.

So how much do you love God or better stated how obedient are you??? Let me know what you think!